Everyday we are given stones!!!

There comes a time in life when we feel shackled, tied up, confronted, overwhelmed, obliged or in a state of indecision. At that instance we want time to pause and give us more time to take the best decision, we want to look for help or try to get the best possible escape…The million dollar question remains tall which decision is right? Which path is correct, which road leads to success, which road makes life easier.

The fight between the decision to follow the heart or mind makes the life seem miserable… The path we choose either leads to fame, or it leads to a dead end…The difference in these to paths is about the way we pursue the post effect…we all know the path that leads to fame has lot to offer, and the path to dead end is all due to the acts that made indecision and led to the dead end.

The best analogy to put out for this scenario is like cutting the right wire to defuse the explosive that can devastate and destroy…the decision to choose the right wire is not always by the book…it takes metal to compose and chose the best.

I live by what my father told me once, that formed the very core of my life, he said, “Son, whatever path you chose, whatever decision you make they can be right or wrong, can lead to fame or dead end…all you must remember is, stand by your decision, face the consequences’ how so ever tough or devastating they may be…they are meant for you and only you as you are the loan bearer of your act. It’s not the walk that matters, it’s when you hit the dead-end that matters, that defines the metal of a real human being…People hit the dead end, they feel devastated and think about the second when they made the wrong decision, they curse or find a medium to surrender to the moment, but son when you hit a dead end, pause, don’t sit, think about how to handle the situation best, gather your courage, plan and act, for every failure is the first step to success, remember your first steps as an infant, you were able to take two step when you fell, you did not cry, you laughed and there on you knew you can do it…”

“Learn to walk, make your own road, start from where people think there are no possibilities, the taste of sweetness can be best known when you have known what bitterness is. For no human being can live only tasting sweet success. Remember, what goes up will come down, but this is an incomplete statement, as whatever comes down, will definitely go up one day.”

Similarly, I have been growing over each decision of mine, making my own roads, for I know when I am asked who I want to be if reborn, I can hold my head over my shoulders and claim to be me, each time I am born…

For all of us the million dollar question remains…but as the wise says, “Every day we are give stones, it is up to us to make just a wall or a home out of it.”

I have my answers; hope my words help you chose the metal others can look up to…

My eyes still have it...

The sound that echoed in my heart was spoken by eyes, there was no whisper, there was no voice, and the words still resonate in my heart. These words keep me warm and crave the emotions of fear, love and hate. I have heard the language of heart more than once…Yes! I am lucky…

Heart speaks its language from the eyes, hears from the lips, and feels the presence from the ears…they may deify the laws of nature, yet they hold the key to the world that dominates the major part of my life, bringing smile and tears, together without no reason. The presence of this language remains forever, denial is a mere closure, it is temporary until someone dawns the life with a different color and a new beginning. Wishes come true, sky looks blue, breeze feels comforting, colors look different, life seems meaningful…but all this remains till the language is spoken.

Someone took away my language and I took someone’s language…how ironic, I know the one who read this will know what this confession holds…

My deeds have defined their own scale they know the bound they know the aim, yet my heart knows what I am losing, I have to smile and accept for I am the one who chose it…at times pain feels like the only medicine…I have taken this medicine, I am going to make it turn for good.

I remember the shine in the eyes that glowed with my presence, the smile that spread when my heart spoke without words…the breath that shook the ground when I was held close…the touch that generated the spark…Oh! I remember each thing, for I am never letting these pearls fall of the necklace that I have carefully weaved over time, the thread I chose is the continuous streak of pain, that reminds me of what I have…what I will have…It gives me a perfect balance in my life…the emotions tied together.

I have tried to fight against these emotions and have learned they weigh the same, I cannot keep either of them, and neither can I lose them, now I am at peace, as I have come to terms with them. They make me weak and strong they give me my wings, they educate my words, they make my eyes listen. For I know my heart now has grown over my age to spread more than I ever dreamt off…

I was once told my eyes are expressive, they made the heart melt, they spot the right node, they wink to bring the priceless smile, yet those words are gone, but what I call magic, my eyes still have it…as they could spot my loner angel, they could see through the hard shell, they could see the emotions locked, the windows shut…A small knock was what woke her up, now she has a smile when she reads this, for she is always envious to know that I have not come in terms with my past…

I ask myself to move on, forget the past, but the past had its own laughs and tears, I share the tears may be to understand the loss, but if I flip the coin and share the laughs it raises more envy…how can I make u envious…

I know I have become the stream that will carry the leaf singing along, but in my journey to meet the ocean I have to become violent to be calm again…

I know not what fate has in store for me, I know not what magic these words do, all I know is I am speaking the language as I know when I look in the mirror I hear the language, I see the freshness, I see the glare…

I know my eyes still have it…

Dream or Nightmare?

Often dreams are good, they paint our canvas with colors are spread in our heart or soul but somehow don’t see the daylight. Dreams narrate our stories and might bring smile on the face, even in tight sleep. They give us the world where everything is possible.
That does not happen always, as every coin has two sides.
I am narrating the dream that sends shivers to my spine, this is the only dream that wakes me in the middle of the night, this is the dream that scares me to go back to sleep again…this is the only “Nightmare” I am yet to overcome…
It is a dream that begins like any other dream would; it remains comforting till I am in never-land which is deep within into the fairyland.
Here it how it goes, I am wondering in the wild, enjoying the scenic view, registering the mesmerizing yet untouched beauty, which has so much to offer yet so less to take. Suddenly I sight a cave that calls me to wonder inside and feel the ravishing beauty preserved under the cover. Without any hesitation, I enter to explore.
Around the doors it looks like the cave has been traveled, yet looks so tempting to explore. After coring the doors I am amidst massive space that offers the echo to my voice, which gives an comforting feeling to my ears. At a few pace there is a small pond which holds the water silent. It gives the reflection of the gigantic space around it. I feel so enticed that it feels like cloud nine.
The call does not stop yet, to be precise the voyage did not begin yet.
I am thrilled to explore the cave more so I wonder to the place that seemed unraveled and gave a spooky look, I step up to be the first one to have conquered the darkness, thought I do not see where this path was leading to yet I continue my voyage. I walk fearless of what was yet to come, I did not look back for a long time, well even if I looked, it was not going to help as I could not see anything in the dark…
Suddenly I feel hard to inhale, may be it’s the nitrogen, as this path is never been walked on. But some how a sense of walls closing in was growing, may be it is humane, or the darkness is giving this kind of nausea. I heard foot step ever since I walked. May be it is the echo I met at the door steps crawls here too? Then I have nothing to fear, if there is echo I this means the walls are not closing in…there is space.
I am having a smile in my sleep now, as I have the feeling of been praised after everyone knew I have conquered the forgotten part of this cave. It felt like discovering the timeless ruins from a place visited by all, but the special one, that is me, had the vision to bring what was kept hidden.
Suddenly, I am sweating, the smile turns to a bit of uncomfortable roll.
The walls were really closing, I have my hands spread but they are not wide spread as I have to walk this tight place. It does bother me, yet it looks worth taking this uncomfortable walk. Soon this walk is no more normal, I am forced to crawl, and I feel suffocated.
I have to get out! I cannot do it…. The wall they are rushing towards me!
I try to turn back, “Go on, I am behind you.” I am zapped to find someone behind me. I cannot see him, the voice is masculine, “I have been following you, you cannot give up now, besides, I see the small hole, there is this ray of light, we have an exit, go on.”
The voice felt encouraging, with mixed emotions, I carry on, but this suffocation!
I begin to crawl faster. I lose more energy and get less air, and now I feel the space behind me race towards me, it’s a trap, there no way out, I could yell and tell the voice to push back, but I feel helpless. My conscious tells me that the voice following me is smiling and it an evil laugh…
I could not concentrate on this I need to get out, walls around me are crushing me from everywhere, left, right, top, bottom, Oh God! What to do?
I lay still for a second and when I raise my head I see an opening, there is my escape, there is my way out, I have to make it, I have to out run this suffocation. I am going to do it. I began to move like a torpedo. Still the space did not allow me to crawl my way out. This exit is so close, I can reach it, I being to fade, the evil laugh haunts me, my lungs are giving away, the hole is not an exit, it is just a small opening, I see the world from this peak, I can cry out loud, yet somehow I have no strength left to speak, I stretch my hand towards the hole, I see someone, “please help me!”, I say these words within my soul, for I know there is no one to hear it. I lay still, no tears, no grudge, no sense, no air, just a fading sensation.
I speak, “you yet have chance friend, go back, find your way, you can still survive.” The voice dies out, the laugh disappears, I am fooling myself, there was no one, even if there was, and he left way back. He must have asked me to retrieve, but I carried on…what a fool!
I look helplessly at the hole, no expectation, just waiting for something, I cannot describe what, I have no words, guess this is what they call being brain dead.
Suddenly, a gush of wind, I see a leaf fly, felt like hope, but wait…
Noooo! The leaf, fell right on top of the hole, there is darkness again, sweat, suffocation, silence…
Just silence!

With a sudden jolt I wake up, gasping for air, sweating, yet see the darkness, its night, I need air, I breathe like this air is not going to last, where was I? Where am I? What happened? I am horrified! I stare in the dark, afraid to move a muscle, no sound but of my own diaphragm, expanding and contracting…
I sit tight with my legs wrapped in my arms! God I am sweating now…this has given me shivers in day light too.

Is the nightmare over? I have no answer! But I cannot go back to sleep now, I am too scared to fall, may be the fear of death, I cannot define anything.
It’s an open question for me till date.

For learned few, this can be the self created fear in my life, or may be some unfinished business, or even the vicious circle that ignores me and cocoons me in my world for better.. Or maybe something else. Whatever the interpretation this dream might mean, it still remains a nightmare to me, I leave it open for you to decide, is it really a dream or my worst nightmare…